I'm the lapband devil

So...
I sit here on a Sunday night at around 1am just thinking about things. Specifically my weight loss. I just realized these past few months or so I have not been honest with myself at all. I have been making excuses for what I have been eating, specifically the way I have been eating. When I decided to get lap band surgery I knew that I was going to have to sacrifice a lot of things. The surgeon specifically said that I could not have...
*Eating foods that are high in sugar content, high in fat content, and high in calories with little nutritional value will decrease your rate of weight loss. In order in increase your rate of weight loss, there are some foods you should avoid, including:

* Sugar and sugary foods, including: high-calorie soft drinks, syrups, honey, jelly, jam, cakes, cookies, candy, ice-cream.
* High-fat foods, including: chocolate, chips, pies, pastries, ice-cream, bacon, sausage, fried foods, cream soups, cream sauces.
* High-calorie drinks, such as milkshakes, soda, beer, orange juice, apple juice, other fruit juices, whole milk.
* Starchy and white flour foods, such as pasta, rice, and doughy breads.
* Fats such as butter or oil should be restricted to 3 to 4 teaspoons per day.

Some foods can be problematic with the LAP-BAND® and should be avoided as well, including:

* Carbonated beverages - carbonated drinks (such as soda, carbonated water, champagne) can increase the size of the pouch and cause discomfort.
* Fibrous foods - fibrous foods (such as asparagus, celery, corn, dried fruit, oranges, pineapples, sweet potatoes) can get stuck in the stoma (stomach opening created with LAP-BAND®).
* Other problematic foods include nuts, popcorn, skins and seeds of fruits and vegetables, and tough meats such as steak, pork chops, and hamburger.
*alcohol Alcohol is not recommended because it is high in calories, breaks down vitamins, and has no nutritional value. However, an occasional small amount of wine or other alcoholic beverage may be tolerated with a few words of caution. Carbonated beverages should always be avoided and this includes beer or champagne. Also, since you shouldn't drink within an hour of eating, you will be drinking on an empty stomach and your tolerance will be low. The excess calories will also slow your rate of weight loss.
*Sugary foods should be avoided because they increase your calorie consumption without providing any nutritional value, but they will not make you sick or cause dumping syndrome. Dumping syndrome occurs when sugar enters the lower intestine too quickly, resulting in cramps, sweating, rapid heart rate, and diarrhea. Dumping syndrome can occur with gastric bypass surgery, but not with LAP-BAND® because the stomach has not been bypassed and intestines have not been significantly altered. Although LAP-BAND® patients can tolerate sweets, it is important to limit empty calorie foods in your diet to help with weight loss.

So basically, I have been having sugary foods, carbonated beverages, caffeine, and alcohol. Pretty much everything on that list I shouldn't have.

I also have to admit that I have also been really bad about portions. Even though I do have some restriction, I do find myself having problems after eating because I ate to much. I've been eating a lot of starches and not the healthy proteins and vegetables I should be eating.

I guess I have to admit that when I was at my dads this past week, even though my dad was hard on me, it helped. He told me that I should not be eating certain things and I am only making excuses up. I was in denial and didn't want to be told what to do. I found myself going out and finding candy to snack on in the house since he didn't have that junk food in his house. How pathetic am I?

Why am I doing this to myself?? Well lap band patients don't realize that when you get a lap band it only helps with what your stomach thinks is hungry or not, when the true problem is your mind. Many people eat because of depression, boredom, or just because it tastes good, when as humans we are only supposed to eat for nutrition.

If I were just to put my foot down right now and say that I'm going to eat for nutrition and nutrition only, then god knows what I would look like. And guess what?? I'm going to do that. I'm putting my food down. No more junk food in the house, no more overdoing it on portions, no more high calorie coffee drinks, no more alcohol. No more being fat. No more of this food devil taking over me.

I can't stand this. I'm going back to the gym tomorrow. No excuses.